I'm not Neat, OK?

This morning I have been playing with paper: specifically, crepe paper. I like to play with paper. Go on, admit it. I bet you like to play with paper too.

I said I LIKE to play with paper. My paper creations? They're usually as good as the next person's, if the next person happened to have ten thumbs. I can't seem to do neat. I couldn't do neat in second grade, when my lowest grade was in handwriting, and I couldn't do neat in sixth grade, when I was supposed to make a science notebook: my drawings of amoebas and cells and such were accurate, but they were messy. I erased a lot.

But you don't have to be good with something to enjoy it, do you?
I was stuffing crepe paper into gift bags this morning. Each bag contained a small token for the founding church members who are still alive. (Our church was founded in 1955.) In each bag was a little token for each of the founding members of our church: those good souls who have been members since 1955. The crepe paper was so pretty: red, a dark forest green, and a glowing royal blue. With gift bags, you can be a messy person and still be okay.

When I was in second grade, we had a "debate." The question: "Is neatness a necessity?" We all knew which side would win, of course. Would a group of elementary teachers actually consider the possibility that neatness was nice,that neat papers are easier to grade, but neat is not the same as correct.

I'd rather have correct.

I can't write twenty pages! Are you crazy?

Once writers start writing regularly, they need to do it. Yes, I said need. It’s sort of like coffee. The first few days you really miss that morning jolt of caffeine, but then coffee isn’t vital to your well-being.
I’m not sure why I need to write, but I do. While I was in Alabama during Christmas, I really missed my computer. Sometimes I’m on a plane, say, and I just have to write, so I look around for any paper. I wrote on the back of the barf bag once.
This writing is not brilliant prose. I just need to see my thoughts on the page.
I can always write, but I can’t always write a particular manuscript.

I have been trying to write twenty to forty pages (!) to submit as an application to Sewanee writers’ conference. Some people write long. Not me. I write short. I’ve got short bits about the 1830 Chickasaw Indian removal, the Civil War, finding a skeleton, getting a divorce, going to high school, being a janitor, belonging to a garden club, Confederate monuments, Volkswagen keys... But none of them are expandable. They are not expandable because I am sick of all of them. I have yet to create a character that really fascinates me and keeps my interest. If there are any characters wandering around loose out there, come on over.