Ida Jane Instructs

If you have read this blog for a while (bless you!) you will remember Ida Jane, my dog. One of my readers, Pam, said Ida Jane should be wearing prison stripes. She’s right.

Now my husband wants ANOTHER DOG – not instead of, in addition to. He thinks another dog will make Ida Jane sane. Note: I don’t say restore her sanity. She never had any. But when we brought the cute wiggly puppy home from the shelter, all we saw was how intelligent she was. That’s the problem.

Ida Jane is very, very smart. She’s also nuts.

She doesn’t attack the mailman (or anybody else). It’s not that kind of crazy. Ida Jane is female, and like a typical female, she turns her depression inward (chewing on her foot) instead of outward (biting).

Her foot itches. She is allergic to all kinds of things. Fortunately she’s not allergic to Purina Dog Chow. (She was allergic to a more expensive brand, bless her heart.) I’m not sure what to call the itchy places on her foot. If she had them all over (heaven forbid) it would be a rash.

If she would LET THE ITCHY PLACE ALONE, it would get well. She doesn’t. She licks it, and licks it, and licks it. She wears a bandage over the last itchy spot, sprayed with this yucky stuff called Bitter Orange, so she won’t chew the bandage off. She’s on Prozac too – three and one-half tablets every morning.

She is not insane because she is neglected. She is home all day; I am home all day. She is walked morning and evening. (If I let her off leash, she might be mentally stable, but she’d be physically stable too, as in squashed flat in the middle of the road. She’s a houndish sort of dog. Nose to ground, follow scent, ignore traffic.)

“Her problem is not her foot,” husband says. “It’s between her ears.”

True.

“What she needs is another dog.”

“Ida Jane is the older dog, and she is trained,” (True, she sits, stays, heels, and so forth) so the younger dog would learn from Ida Jane."

That is what I am afraid of. I can imagine the lessons:

Ida: You’re new around here, and I will show you how to...
Puppy: Obey the humans? Huh? Huh?
Ida: No.

Puppy: Huh?

Ida: Part One: This long cushy thing is a couch. It is for dogs to lie on, but only when the humans aren’t around.

Puppy: When the humans aren't around? Would I be doing something bad?

Ida: Not bad. Convenient.

Puppy: What does that mean?

Ida: Never mind. No more questions.

Puppy: Yes, Ida, yes, Ida, anything you say, Ida, you’re the alpha dog, Ida, I’m just...

Ida: I’m glad you know your place. On to part two – the refrigerator.

Puppy: That big box?

Ida: That big box has treats in it.

Puppy: But I can’t open it.

Ida: Yes, you can. Put your nose here, so...Good. Now what’s in here? It’s a huge piece of cow!! Won’t that be yummy? Snack time!

So...I pose the question: would another dog be a good thing or a bad thing? Comments needed, please.